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CHATTANOOGA MAFIA UNDER ATTACK!!!
Not Chattanooga TN: While there are no clear signs of battle, the Chattanooga Mafia is very definitely under attack by from the state of Florida. At this hour it seems unclear if the attack is actually a sanctioned attack by the state, a rag-tag militia or a bombardment by former residents of the state. Brian Flanagano, self appointed boss of the Chattanooga Mafia, said earlier that he knew nothing of the attack, but expects that the battle will be swift and decisive, as soon as he finds our when and where it is. In a later statement, Robbie "the Hammer" Carpenter told reporters that he intended to protest the attack due to an obscure violation of State V. local mafia (not actually located in location named) bylaws stating that a any US State with a highway speed limit of over 67.3 MPH could only attack local mafias (not actually located in location named) on Monday afternoons, assuming the paper work was accepted and approved by the Mafia Insurgent Legal Federation, or MILF, the body that governs all Mafia V. State attacks. At this hour such progress can not be confirmed.
Though the Chattanooga Mafia is expected to respond to their attackers they have currently fled all of their usually hang outs. Some reports have actually put members of the Chattanooga Mafia inside the city of Chattanooga. PR director Heyward "Lennie the laptop" Wagner told this reporter that actually going to Chattanooga is a step he hopes can be avoided, stating, "once you become associated with Chattanooga there is almost nothing you can do to shake the reputation." Certainly this is a dark time for the Chattanooga Mafia, members Cliffie the Wrench Rosenberg and Marky the Mark Pilson have not yet been located, we can only speculate on their condition and location.
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